Sex Is a Skill, Like Riding a Bicycle

Though sex may be natural, it is also a skill, says Susan Miranda.

I have been doing sexuality education workshops since 1989. In one particular workshop, I focused on the idea of sex being a skill. One participant reacted very strongly against that idea. It was as though sex and sexuality could not possibly be anything other than natural or innate. I’ve been thinking about this reaction for some time now and reflecting on it in light of my experiences with learning a couple of skills as an adult.

One of the things I am most proud of is learning how to swim in my 30s. As a child living on a family farm, I heard stories of children being thrown off a boat by their siblings and told to swim—which they did. To the storytellers, my siblings, that was proof that swimming was natural. I was only grateful they didn’t throw me in the water. Instead, I was taught, mostly by my mother, to be afraid that if I attempted to learn to swim, I would drown. Read more