In Tantra, the penis is called the Lingam, which in Sanskrit can be translated as "Wand of Light." A Lingam massage is a massage of the male genitals using a large variety of strokes and grips. The goals of the Lingam massage are to honor your man's Lingam and to help him to expand his ability to receive pleasure.
The setting and your attitude are what make a Lingam massage a special experience for your man. Prepare a quiet, preferably dim, space with a bed, a futon mattress, or a blanket and pillows on the floor. The temperature in the room should be a little warmer than normal because you will both be nude. Lighting candles or an oil lamp in the room will keep the lighting subdued and also help generate heat. Your oills and lubricants should be within easy reach. Try to get spill-proof bottles and use plastic rather than glass. Make sure that you have a couple of hours where you won't be disturbed.
Begin by breathing together. Stand or sit face-to-face. Embrace or hold hands, look into each other's eyes, and breathe deeply into the belly. Continue looking into his eyes and breathing with him. If you find he is holding his breath, place your hand on his lower belly and remind him to breathe from that place, to "fill his belly" with his breath.
Next, have him lie face down and begin giving him a full body massage. After about 10 minutes, ask him to turn over, and then continue the massage. Advance the massage slowly toward the inner thighs and pelvis until he is breathing deeply from his belly and his body is fully relaxed.
Then, as a show of respect for his male power, ask permission to touch his Lingam. Simply ask, "May I touch your Lingam?" or, if he is more familiar with Tantric terms, "May I touch your Wand of Light?" If he gives you permission, pour a small quantity of massage oil or water-based lubricant on his Lingam and testicles. Rub the oil or lubricant into his skin, beginning at the top of the inner thighs and moving into the crease where his legs meet the pelvis floor. Using slow, steady motions. work along the connecting bone and muscles, releasing tension as you go.
Next, massage above the Lingam, on the pubic bone. Rock your hand over this place, feeling the bone beneath the muscle and skin. Then, move on to the scrotum, gently pulling and kneading his testicles. You will need to pay very close attention to his responses here and encourage him to tell you what is just right for him. Some men can't stand to have their testicles touched at all, while others enjoy stronger handling. Start gently and slowly add pressure, rather than the other way around.
From his testicles, move your hand down to massage his perineum, sometimes called the "sacred spot." Locate the small indentation, about the size of a dime, halfway between the testicles and anus. You can use downward strokes from his Lingam to his anus or a circular motion. Circle and pull at the tissues and gently push inward on the spot with your finger. Since the spot may feel painful at first, only increase pressure as much as he is comfortable with.
Finally, place your hand on his Lingam. As you massage the shaft, gently squeeze his Lingam at the base with your right hand, and pull up, sliding completely off. Then do the same with your left hand—squeeze his Lingam at the base, and pull up, sliding completely off. Then do this again with your right, then your left, and so on. After a while, change directions—slide alternating hands from the top down to the base. Then, take the Lingam between both hands and rub your hands quickly back and forth, as you wanted to start a fire. Hold his Lingam by the head and gently shake it back and forth. Thoroughly massage the head by cupping it in your palm and turning your wrist, making "juicing" motion (as if you are juicing a lemon). Move from the Lingam to the testicles to the perineum and back again, noting his responses.
If, at any point, your man seems close to ejaculation, slow your movements to reduce stimulation and let him cool down before beginning again. If he is very close, but not past the "point of no return," you may be able to delay his ejaculation by squeezing the tip of his Lingam between your thumb and forefinger. Squeeze very firmly and hold it for about thirty seconds. Encourage him to take deep breaths while you do this. Moving to the sacred spot is another way to delay ejaculation. If he starts to feel close, decrease stimulation on the Lingam and increase stimulation on the sacred spot, which should help decrease the pressure to ejaculate.
If you hold back his orgasm six times, a tremendous amount of sexual energy will be stored, which he can either retain and circulate throughout other parts of his body or release. If he chooses to ejaculate, his orgasm will probably be much more intense than usual. Keep reminding him to take deep breaths even as he ejaculates. When the massage is complete, slowly remove your hands and allow him time to relax and savor the pleasure he has just received.
When personal Tantra instruction is either inconvenient or too expensive, Al Link and Pala Copeland's Sexual Mastery Course and Kerry and Diane Riley's Ultimate Home Tantra Course are two excellent self-teaching courses. I highly recommend either of these courses for those who can't find a local Tantra teacher, attend a Tantra workshop, or just want to explore Tantra in the privacy of their own home.